Are they real brothers?

"Real isn't about how you are made, real is something that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time than you become real".

from The Velveteen Rabbit

Harry Harry Harry

Yes, everything is all about Harry Potter. I finished the Deathly Hallows early this morning. Actually, I woke up early to continue reading, as late last night I did not want to rush the ending in a blurry state. The book was fabulous. I had really forgotton how much I love the series and think JK is pretty incredible. I don't think I am sad that there will be no more HP books, because I have just barely managed to keep the seven straight, but it is definetly a phenom to watch. I would like to join a book club just so that I can discuss the ending and no one around me has gotten there yet. In a few weeks I will have forgotten the finer details of the ending, alas my memory is really bad...

Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you do not have

I still remember my first trip to the beach

I must have been 3 or 4 years old. The car got packed up and at the last minute I jumped in. I was anxious about where we were going and stared out the window the entire ride. I remember the windows being rolled up when we got on the highway and I could no longer stick my head into the wind and feel the breeze.
Once in the parking lot we all rushed out and raced each other down to the water. I didn't even stop to examine the dunes, or investigate the seagulls. The water was so cold and exhilarating, I swam and swam that day, in and out of the waves. Only later did I come away from the shore and felt the sand in between my toes and took in the smell of the ocean. I was happy and tired at the end of the day, as I got back into the car for the journey home. I made three quick circles around my tail and fell asleep in the back, among the towels.

Rant and Rave

I continue to feel so sad and blue..I cannot get out of my funk and I am sure that it is because the rain will just not stop. I know that this winter was supposed to be mild and we had such an easy dec and jan, and yet April is endless. My throat hurts every day, and my mind wants so badly to be exercise and outside walking the dog.. and yet the rain and the cold appear to be here forever. How do people live in the Pacific NW...?

House Husband

So Lee had a vacation day yesterday, I think as a comp. day for having to work all day on Saturday. It worked out well because he was able to come to my Dr. appt with me. He says he wanted to go because he likes to watch when they put the scope up my nose, but I prefer to think he is going with me to be a good supportive husband, and the nose thing is an extra bonus to him. As it turns out, the scope was having a problem, so after Dr S. tried it once he relented and just looked down my throat using the mirror on a stick thing. The appt went well, and I happen to think that my voice is great. Lee and Dr. S were not quite as enthusiatic about the quality of my voice, but it should keep improving. It has only been just over a month since the radiation ended.
Lee was also able to go to lunch at Teddy's school, for bring your parent to lunch day. He actualy enjoyed the speggetii and meatballs on a plastic tray... I'm glad my husband isn't picky about his food..
About an hour after Lee left school and headed to the mall, the school nurse called me at work to let me know that AFTER recess Teddy had come in with a stomach ache... hmmm... The school nurse is terrible in a lot of ways, and I have never really been fond of her. She does nothing to encourage the kids' back to class, nor is she able to tell you on the phone if your kid is really sick or not... so, despite the fact that I had just gotten in to work I had to leave and go pick him up.
I had to remind Teddy and the nurse that the last Lee had come to lunch at school the same thing had happened. Teddy must get some kind of anxiety about his dad, and being at school - he is such a worrier...
He got home and read Calvin and Hobbes on the couch for an hour and annouced that his stomach ache was gone and he was ready to go outside and play.

Parenting Hot Line

Every parent should receive with their child, a free 24 hour hot line phone number that is always staffed with the leading experts on all child issues - not just drugs and bullies, because those are the easy ones and there are a lot of self help books for that. I am talking about the daily problems, the self esteem, -
the being afraid to shoot a basket at basketball practice because I don't know how to shoot and everyone else on the team seems to know already - and how did they find out how to shoot and no one ever told me - I must be stupid and they must be smart ....
or how about the clubs and friendship scrimishes on the play ground - one day you're the president of the club, the next day you're not in the club...
How is a parent supposed to even know what to say, it is hard to give your child advice, be supportive and understanding. I just don't know what to say to them anymore...
Teddy cries at night that he never wants to grow up and he is afraid to get older and he wishes he could stay little and safe forever... in my heart, I wish that he didn't have to grow up either,

Carolyn' s Cure Update

I know that I said I wasn't going to write about me anymore, but I thought I would let my fans know that I am nearly 100% back. My voice is stronger and clearer than it has been in a few years. I do wonder if my hoarse voice has been cancer cells forming for many years..? Anyway, I am talking and talking... and only tired at the end of the day. I had my first head ache and it took me completly by surprise. I realized that it is the first time in many months that I have not taken some kind of pain killer all day. So, no more advil for me.
Also, I ran (and a little walked) three miles at the gym yesterday... it felt great!

Venus Fly Trap

Lee got the kids a venus fly trap, one each, so they could have a pet. I really think he got them for himself, he has been feeding them mosquitoes with great enthusiasm. But like most things that come into this house, I end up being the caretaker. I really enjoyed the guinea pig and I would love to get another one, except that I was the only one that really cared about poor Eliza.

It's funny how invested in the plants I have become. I cut out the directions and have referred to them a number of times. I have even googled Venus fly trap to look for picutres of what they are supposed to look like. So far, our plants do not look very healthy. I will continue to care for them and clip thier leaves when they turn black. Lee will keep feeding them bugs, at least they do not need a college fund.

Write about a keepsake

Frayed, crumpled, and loved.. He calls it "purple" and it has been part of his life for longer than I have. Imagaine that my son's beloved woven blanket, with him since the day he was born in a smoggy Central American city. The blanket heard spanish with him as an infant, long before I was the main stay of his life. And now, purple is not allowed to leave the house, for fear that she (definelty a she) could be lost or ruined.

Holiday Cheer

It's hard to beleive that the holidays are the happiest time of year. I am a stress head with lists everywhere and my brain jumping around so much. THe thought of 3 days of getting together with my family and then a 5 hour drive with crabby kids to spend 3 days with L's family... where is the good cheer? I keep thinking that I will stop drinking, and yet the thought of NY without drinking, is not a good thought. Every time I think that the shopping is done... I buy more stuff, and really pay more -$15 - for shipping on pajamas for the boys, quite ridiculous. and yet I could not have been able to buy those pajamas any earlier. THere is really no way I could make that kind of committment before thanksgiving.
So where is the middle ground and where is the fun part of the holidays. Well, I really am trying to stay positive and not be grouchy... I wish that christmas morning was actually at night, the atmophere is so much better, lights on the tree, gas int eh fireplace and I can drink... way more fun. How does the tradition go that you can open presents at night?

Learning to keep quiet

Everybody has the urge to say "I asked you about 10 times last week, what do you mean you forgot?"
Saying that is the easy way to score points and we all like to score points. It makes us feel right, and right makes you feel better than the other person. But, feeling better than the other person is really such a short lived feeling, because really what we all want is for the other person to feel better about us. We like to say "I told you so" because that makes us feel smarter, but not smarter to the rest of the world. The other person feels bad and then they think bad things about you... like "I hate it that you were right and its not nice that I feel bad, so I will think bad things about you and then we can both feel bad."
Really, want you want a relationship to feel good, you learn never to say I was right and I told you so and you are wrong... because what that ends end meaning is, I was right and I am better than you... then, obviously that person is not going to feel good about you and you won't feel the love from the other person, which is really what you wanted in the first place. Because mostly we do not care about being right, we care about the world liking us.

Mars and Venus

I like to make jokes about how different my husband and I are when we try and communicate and I frequently site the popular "Mars and Venus" scenario. But, when I think about it, its very different from Martians and Venetians trying to communicate. It reminds me of the trip I took last year to Guatemala. I really speak very little Spanish, and yet, I could generally understand, through context and through guessing and through sign language what a person was trying to communicate to me. In fact, I found the language barrier to be fun more often than it was frustrating. It was exciting to see how different emotions and vocabulary could be acted out and how many different ways there are to explain a word such as "hot"... the food is spicy, the food is warm from the oven, there is not air conditioning in the taxi cab.
So, when my husband and I try and communicate it is usually frustrating and indirect. sometimes we even try and communicate through magic and ESP. Often, I am thinking what I want him to know and I am even in other parts of the house talking to myself or the pile of laundry or the stack of dishes in the sink, and I want him to know what I want. Likewise, he says nothing and does nothing and then doesn't understand when he gets nothing...

Back to work

So Lee went back to work today, and actually around my house it felt good. He had his lunch packed and seemed in charge and ready to leave the responsibilities of the kids good bye. Because, as much as the summer is fun and being home is fun, it means that you have to take care of more than just yourself. When it is your day to work, you can leave the laundry and the dishes for the other person bc you will be gone and they will be home. So today, I got it all, but also when you are home and it is just you, you can boss everyone else. So I had a nice morning bossing everyone around. Then I had a gouchy afternoon folding laundry while Lee got to work.
I am starting t really feel sad that the summer is over, I am not ready to start the nightly painao practice and homework fights. I keep thinking that this will be the easy year. Then my rational side realizes that every year is better and worse that the year before, although in completly different ways.

Whats wrong with parents these days?

I know that much has been written about kids and sports and if parents would just butt out that kids would all play nicely - perhaps you could even go so far as to say that if all parents butt out that all our kids would actually be professional athletes... mhh.. some thing to consider. Anyway, as I am working on the intramural soccer teams and trying to get all the girls in best color tshirt for their skin tone and all the boys on teams with the kids that they haven't had a fight with in the last two seasons, well I really notice how few parents volunteer - bc currently I have 10 teams and only 6 coaches - and how many parents make special requests. Why is it that the parents that scream and squawk the most are the ones that never even make it to the games. How about the crappy comment that says please place Danny on the same team as Adam, Josh and Derek bc we all car pool - come on! I know better than that - we do not carpool in the suburbs - even if we like to think that the reason that we bought the huge 10 passenger SUV that should be outlawed everywhere except the desert - we actually buy those big cars bc we are going to car pool!
This fall I will just try and experiment with fall soccer. Because there are not enough coaches I will let each team loose on their own, and I bet that they make it to the state tournament. Just get all the coaches out of the way and the kids really will work it out for themselves....

Teddy's House

I guess that everyone has to start somewhere. After reading all the hype about blogging - this must be replaceing journaling - I thought I needed to try it. Perhaps this can become my outlet for daily journaling and I can finally take that off of my annual new years resolution list. Yesterday was the last day of school, which makes today the official first day of summer vacation. As I do every year my head is full of plans to make this the best summer ever. My kids are going to embrace summer reading and we will spend many lazy days lounging in the backyard, drinking lemonade and reading the great classics. My children will then enter school in the fall, suddenly genius - I always knew that they were geniusis we just needed a summer vacation for thier brain cells to develop....

Anyway - I also think maybe I can start saving those daily funny stories about your kids that everyone is constanly telling you to write down and you know that you should but of course, you never do... I might try that also.